Sunday

I have been over already to see him once and will go over again soon. I had to come back to do my every 3 hour pumping. Finally getting some breast milk... yay! It's only about an ounce for now. It's not bad, as they don't want too much. He will only be eating about 0.5 cc at a time, when they finally start feedings.

He has lost some weight again. He is now at 1 lb 3 oz. His little diaper looks even bigger on him now. Sucks to see it knowing that he really doesn't have any to spare, but I am assured that he will start putting it back on soon.

I had my first bout of post-partum blues. One of the little babies is going home today and it just hit me I guess, that it's going to be a really long time before that day is ours. I tried not to break down totally while I was over there. These parents were so happy, and there I was sitting there crying. I know a good cry is allowed, especially now, but I didn't want to put a damper on their happy day. I have held it all together for the most part. Damned hormones.... I feel so lost over there. All of the monitors and tubes and wires. He had hiccups today and the nurse told me that can happen when they are stressed or have had too much stimulation. We find out something new every day. So I had to sit and watch him instead of holding his little hand. I don't want to stress him out! So much to learn over the next few months. Some of the nurses are very attentive to both him and us. Today not so much. Perhaps they just want to give us our alone time, but at this point, I feel like I need to know what it is I am supposed to do and not do to help him get to where he needs to be, you know?